Let go of the soul ...

There is a white sheet on the chamber door. Deep night, but the light is on. The silhouette of a woman sitting by the bed shines through the sheets. She sits almost motionless, only occasionally drops her head on her chest - she has not slept for many days and sometimes fatigue overcomes her. She falls into sleep for a few seconds, but then wakes up with horror. "You can not sleep, you can not! We must follow" - she says these words again and again. She sits beside her daughter. Near the terminally ill daughter. The girl is pale and very exhausted. She has not been able to swallow for 2 weeks. And with each passing hour increases respiratory failure. The child painfully dies from choking.

And the doctors ... they recognized the tumor inoperable. And all that could offer is a lethal dose of sleeping pills "to quickly release the soul." The doctor called it "a simpler way out" so that neither Natasha nor her daughter would suffer. Natasha refused. She still believed that this was not the end, that a miracle would happen and that the girl would recover. Only faith in this miracle gave her the strength to sit by the bed without stopping for days.

The girl was in a semi-conscious state. From the constant lack of oxygen her mind was misty, she then fell into something like a dream, then moaned softly. She barely spoke, it took too much energy, and there was no way to take her. A week ago, doctors canceled all supporting droppers. They considered all measures to maintain the life of the girl redundant. And now the girl was tormented not only by shortness of breath, but also by wild thirst. Sometimes in a dream she whispered "water, water." The water seemed to her and she dreamed not of surviving, but of quenching her unbearable thirst. But she could not, for this only crying helplessly when she heard the sound of flowing water.

That night the girl was especially bad. She was breathing heavily, and at times she stopped breathing for 10-15 seconds. Mother did not take her eyes off her barely moving chest. And then the real hell began - the girl sighed heavily and ... and slowly began to turn blue. Breathing stopped ... Mother looked at her bluer face with horror. She knew what to do - she jumped from the chair and began to do mouth-to-mouth artificial respiration. She didn’t call anyone for help, she knew that it was meaningless - the head of the department banned all active life support interventions. In developed countries, this is called passive euthanasia and is considered illegal, and we call it carefully - “letting go of the soul.” Natasha inhaled air into her daughter’s lungs again and again. Even now, she believed that fighting made sense. And after 10 minutes, the girl took several independent breaths. But after half an hour, stop breathing again. And again, "mouth to mouth," to dizziness, to darkening eyes. And there is only one thought - not to fall, not to lose consciousness, because the daughter needs this air so much, which she herself cannot breathe. The fight continued for several hours. And when, after the next stop of breathing, the girl opened her eyes, there was such pain in them. "Mom, leave me alone, do not breathe ... let me die ... I can no longer do that" - the words of the girl were eaten, and tears drew in her eyes.

The woman covered her face with her hands and walked away. She heard the girl breathe heavily for the last time and subside. Natasha was sobbing, silently sobbing. She also bit her lips ... to the blood, without feeling pain. She sat, covering her face with her hands for a few minutes, when she suddenly jumped. She had such determination on her face ... she rushed to her daughter. She was all blue, no pulse. Heart stopped. That was the end. But mother knew that she still had the opportunity to change that. And she rushed to reanimate her daughter. Without emotions, like a robot: 15 tapping the chest, 2 breaths. And so an infinite number of times. She did not look at the time, did not think about how damaged the daughter’s brain would be after such a long cardiac arrest. She knew one thing - she must reanimate the girl. And making another "breath" she put her hand to the girl's neck and felt a pulse. The heart was beating again !!! She continued artificial respiration with such enthusiasm, as if she won the fight against the disease. As if she had just brought the girl back to life, and the illness would go away, and her daughter would be healthy again.

When the girl came to her senses, she felt a taste of blood in her mouth. She then did not know that it was not her blood, it was the blood of her mother, who bit her lips, watching the dying of her child. The girl knew one thing - her mother returned her. Again here, again in this world of endless suffocation and thirst. At that moment, she almost hated her mother for it. She did not believe in the utopia of the mother about a long and happy life. She did not believe that this night conquered from death had any significance.

But mother ... she seemed to know for the sake of what future she was struggling with death. She seemed to know that 7 years would pass, and I would thank her for not letting go of my soul then. Because thanks to her fanatical faith, I was able to live these 7 years, despite the swelling. Seven years of hard struggle with the disease, but still seven years of life. Mom and now sometimes sits at night near me, watching the breath. She knows that there are still many battles for my life ahead. But she also clearly knows that she will never again let go of the thread of my life. Even if the situation seems hopeless. Even if the heart will stand, she will not let go of my soul ...

Source: http://deti.zp.ua/show_article.php?a_id=1126