Teenager

At once I will say that I do not yet have teenage children. And for a while I thought I had a moral right to write on this topic. But what I want to tell is not the thought of an experienced parent, but the view from a different angle, in some ways even from within the problem, for I myself am still young at heart, and the transition age has been very long for me.
They say that children should be educated while they lie across the bench, that is, when they are still small. If we want to give the child "reasonable, good, eternal", you need to do this before adolescence. Then everything will be more complicated and complicated. Some parents fall into despair, that children cease to obey, depart from the Church. This does not mean that everything they did before is useless. No word, said with love, for the benefit of the child, does not pass without a trace. You can not wait for everything at once. The prayer that we learned with our son or daughter, that good book that we read, can be remembered later, saved from falling.
The fact that in my adolescence I was protesting against my parents, I remembered later when I became an adult, a married man, with gratitude. And when their children appeared, the parents' advice was very useful.
The period of adolescence and the so-called transitional age is probably the most difficult time in a person's life. You remember how we chuded, and it becomes a pity for our parents.
The general rule in this period is that if a boy was good in the parents' home, it is joyful, warm, if he was really loved, then it will help him when the period of crisis, alienation, protest comes and he will return to the fatherly home. Both in a literal and figurative sense.
In the vast majority of cases, adolescents leave home, take drugs, smell glue, because in their home they are not all right. And often a dirty street, the basement with drugs for them is a way to escape from the even more difficult atmosphere that reigns in their family.
One teacher said that the transitional age is the time of parental tears, prayers and remorse for the mistakes they made in the upbringing. The role of parents and teachers during the adolescence, as V.Zenkovsky emphasizes, is silent, with prayer and vows of inner doing, which adults give for a rebellious soul.
Parental instructions should be used only in extreme cases, when the soul or life of a teenager is in real danger. During this period, parents should try to establish a trusting and friendly relationship with the child, to enter into his trust. It is known that the age of transition is the time of overthrowing of ideals and authorities, especially parental ones.
But often the "ancestors" themselves are to blame for this, not wanting to know and delve into what the young people are living, and blatantly denying it all.
... it is necessary to shape the taste of children in relation to books, songs, films and in general art. This should all be done before the adolescence. I still listen to the songs and read books that my parents recommended to me. Speaking about modern mass culture, parents should not just call it all devilish, but know it and choose from it what is acceptable ...
Music, songs can influence the formation of character ...
There is such a joke: if the booze can not be prevented, it must be headed. In our case, it's not about drinking a drink, but about the correct direction of the aspirations and hobbies of the boy. Denying what is close to a young man, we are unlikely to gain in his eyes authority, rather the opposite.
... With one bans you will not achieve anything, you need to offer something in return. Do not think that a teenager does not need to communicate with his parents. He needs it. Just the relationship changes a little: from didactic-pedagogical they should become more friendly. The fact that teenagers talk about their parents is a blatant and superficial, in the depths of their soul they are drawn to them, they want their parents to be the best. Try to say something bad when you are a young man about your father - you can also get an eye.
... One priest said that sex education, education is a very good thing, but it should be conducted just as sex education, that is, the education of the sexes: the boys are to be brought up as future men, and the girls - as future women, mothers. And this parenting should begin with itself. Already their appearance, clothing, hair, they should give an example to children. There is an opinion that boys subconsciously choose future wives, guided by the ideal of their mother. And if the mother shows the ideal of a real woman, she can be calm for her future daughter-in-law.



From the book of priest Pavel Gumerov "The Little Church"