8 problems of the child at school

From un done lessons to family conflicts
Cooking homework

The basic practice during our growing up was one: “You will do the lessons yourself, and if you have difficulties, you will ask me, and I will help you.” Now the whole system of education in elementary school is designed for parents to do their homework with their child.


And here there is a certain dilemma: how to make the child successfully master the school curriculum, despite the fact that:
• Programs have changed a lot - even in Russian, math and reading.
• The initial level of knowledge of first-graders has changed very much - many schools are waiting for children who already know how to read.
• Teaching a foreign language begins in grades 1-2, the programs are designed to be mastered by an adult, but most of us started learning languages ​​in grades 4-5.
• The number of non-working mothers who are ready to devote all their time to a child who has become a schoolboy has sharply increased, as a result of which the level of independence of children has decreased. No one walks with a key around his neck and does not warm his own dinner.


In my opinion, these changes:
• uncomfortable for parents, as they make them directly responsible for the success of the children in learning.
• In the long run, they adversely affect the relationship between children and parents.
• A decrease in independence in primary school slows down the voluntary maturation of children, reduces the motivation for learning, up to the complete unwillingness to learn and the inability to do it on their own - without parental urging and sitting by mother.


Now, at the first parent-teacher meetings in the first grade, teachers directly warn parents that they will now have to study with their children.
Teachers, by default, assume that you will be responsible for the quality and quantity of homework throughout your elementary school. If earlier the task of the teacher was to teach, then now the task of the teacher is to give the task, and the task of the parents (presumably) is to complete these tasks.


You need to be prepared for such a situation.


So, parents should sit down and do homework with a first grader, second grader, third grader, fourth grader. But now ripening is occurring quite early, and already at 9-10 years old you can observe all the symptoms of adolescence. By grade 5-6, this opportunity — to sit and do homework with your child — will be gone. This situation will become impossible, and in four years the child will get used to the fact that mother is responsible for the lessons, and he himself cannot and cannot take this responsibility.


You can, at the cost of losing relationships, continue to force him up to 14-15 years, until you have enough strength. The conflict will be delayed for several years, and the child will still be unable to answer for his tasks. At the age of 14-15, the protest will already be very vivid - and with a break in relations.
There are indicators that children who were almost excellent students in elementary school, because mom and dad did everything for them, sharply reduce their studies in high school, because they are no longer ready to accept help, and there are no skills to learn.


This system, imposed by many elementary school teachers, is for the child to do everything perfectly at home, that is, with the help of his parents.
If the child is behind, then the teacher may make a complaint to the parents: oversight! Only old experienced teachers adhere to the classical system - so that the child does everything himself, albeit with errors, and they themselves are ready to teach and correct.


 “How are we doing?”

The formation of the correct educational stereotype


You need to understand what kind of teacher you have to deal with, what is his position. And, depending on the rigidity of this position, bend the line of independence.


The most important thing a child can be taught in elementary school is responsibility, ability to work, and the ability to perceive the task as his own.


First, if you are moving in line with the formation of academic independence, your performance indicators will be lower. Particularly acute is the lack of independence among the only children in the family, and here you need to be especially careful.


The child writes his first hooks - and is immediately subjected to pressure from his parents: “He led the pen in the wrong direction! You are mocking us! You will be a janitor! ” The child’s level of motivation is low - the level of motivation in parents is off the charts.


And at school, the teacher says: “Why the child does not get the connection of letters?”. You do not come to the teacher, but he makes you study with your child. Having explained the material at school, he assumes that you will regularly engage and advise on what and how to do. And a stable lexical connective “How are we doing?” Is formed, which speaks of the ongoing symbiosis of mother and child. Then, in class at 9, the child says: “I don’t know who I want to be,” he didn’t have the feeling of studying.


If a child is insured all the time, he will not learn to do anything on his own, he knows that “Mom will come up with something,” that in any situation parents will find a way out.

But parents often have fear: “Will not the accustoming of independence lead to confrontation of the child with the teacher, with the system?”


At first there may be lags, but then the child succeeds. There is an initial loss, but there is no such loss in grade 4-5. If in this period the performance of artificial honors drops sharply, then the performance of such children increases sharply.


There are children who still need help. These are children who are chronically scattered, the child is not here, in his thoughts (although within the framework of the norm).
These children need help a little more. If the child, in principle, has the ability to organize himself, they must be included. The question with the lessons is very simple: either he will take responsibility for them, or he will not.


The picture develops quite early, even from the "preparation". It is better to create the conditions for the emergence of independence, and it is necessary to form the correct educational stereotype associated with the lessons.

"8 problems of the child at school" (fragment)

Psychologist and mother of many children Ekaterina Burmistrova