Self-love. How to love yourself?

What is self-love? Before answering this question, let's remember what we are made of. We are our body, our thoughts, the idea of ​​ourselves and the world, our environment, and our actions, which are the result of our thoughts. What if we don't take care of our body? We stuff it with all sorts of rubbish, ignore the pain in the body, tension. Do we love ourselves? If we consider ourselves somehow not so, and the world is dangerous. Do we love ourselves? If we are surrounded by people with whom we feel discomfort, whom we allow to offend us, to use. Do we love ourselves? If we sit still and do nothing in our life, we do not change anything when something does not suit us. Do we love ourselves? Not!
And if we do not love ourselves, then we rush with ourselves and invite someone to love us, expecting that through the love of another person we will find acceptance of ourselves. But this is impossible. If you do not love yourself, then another cannot do it for you. And how can another person love someone who does not love himself?

Where does this love come from?
Self-love is initially formed by the mother. Through acceptance of the child as he is, through empathy. Over time, the mother's love becomes her own.

But very often in childhood we come to the decision that we are loved for something that love needs to be earned. We are compared, criticized, manipulated by feelings of guilt and shame. And above all, so that we are better than we are. It seems like out of good intentions, but the child develops the idea that the way I am, you cannot love me.

Another reason. This is an example of parents who, by sacrificing themselves, show how one should generally live and interact with others. And what is an example then? Perhaps the child will decide not to repeat the mother's experience, but very often, we still repeat. After all, children are taught not by words, but by actions. If the parents are unhappy, will the children be happy? Will they love themselves? Hardly.

So what does it take to love yourself? Feel this state that never happened?
To go a long way, a way to yourself, to your present! What can help along the way?

1. Working with self-esteem

For this, all tricks are good. And self-esteem coaching, and, for example, this book Find a fulcrum. Turn your world upside down. " But the most important thing is to determine for yourself what you need in order to be happy. And it certainly isn't another person.

2. Success diary

There you can write down not only your great achievements, but also your daily affairs. After all, the movement towards something great is made up of daily simple actions. And of course, re-read your diary so that in the morning you will not forget about your achievements, small and big victories.

3. Working with the past

Acceptance and understanding that our parents really loved us, only in their own way, as they could, as they were once taught by their parents, your grandparents.

4. Working with a mirror

Be it compliments, words of love to yourself in front of a mirror, but this should be done every day. Aloud!

5. Awareness of their desires

After all, a person who does not love himself is afraid to want and desire something. After all, his Wishlist may not be liked by someone, hurt someone. Therefore, it is very important to allow yourself to want something, without fear that it will cause discomfort to someone, that this will entail separation.

6. Objectives

It is important not only to want any of your desires, but also to act actively, translating them into goals. And remember, even what you think is a problem can be translated into a goal that is solvable.

7. Love of parents

And I suggest doing this technique every morning after waking up or in the evening before going to bed: you lie in bed, just open your eyes, or, on the contrary, are getting ready for bed. Imagine that you are a small child. And your parents leaned over you. They look at you, smile at you and say words of love, support. Hear these words. Listen. Do you hear ?! "We love you! We love you! And we are very happy that you are in this world! " Listen. They may be telling you other words as well. Those words that you need now. You may never have heard them before, but now you need them so much. Listen and repeat these words out loud!

8. Creativity

Find a way to express yourself creatively. This will give you the opportunity to better understand yourself, express your feelings, feelings. That which is difficult to put into words. As love comes to oneself, the attitude towards the products of one's creativity will change. At first, you may not at all like what you did. But don't destroy it. Learn to love and accept your creations

And remember, love is also a choice. The choice in favor of suffering or still bright, joyful, happy days! Love yourself!

Nikita Korolev