See a person nearby: psychologist Tatyana Vorobyova
Today we give children massive pseudo-knowledge, we try to load-load-load knowledge. Do not give music, do not give painting. It’s less, it’s not so bright and not so immediately apparent, but knowledge, it’s to surprise someone that he knows the British pound or the American dollar, he’s three years old, and he already says - we are proud of it!
Such knowledge is mortal. Nobody canceled the laws of didactics: knowledge must be effective and moral. But we, parents, do not know such words: effective and moral. And there is such a law: systemic and systematic. That is, knowledge is replenished from simple to complex and regularly. Not in order to surprise, but in order to develop a child and educate in knowledge. Knowledge given without education is carrion that destroys the soul.
These are the rules I would so like to remind parents: give knowledge that is useful to the soul and mind, not the brain, but the mind, the rational mind. Then the baby, facing the situation, begins to use this knowledge as it should. Here is a small example from my own practice. I created such a projective little questionnaire about how children relate to how they do not scold, but their parents reproach for an unseemly act. And how do children relate to this?
And one girl answers, answers so well, answers so beautifully, everything is right: "Yes, dad and mom scolded me correctly." Very good, well done. And then he says: "Tatyana Vladimirovna, did I answer well?" “Masha, very good.” “But, you know, Tatyana Vladimirovna? When I grow up, I won’t scream and pour a bucket of cold water. ” This is nothing special: mom poured cold water, maybe so that the girl does not fall into a tantrum. But the child himself already understands, understands that here one must not sincerely say, protect his parents on the one hand, but this is a good moment.
And look, she doesn’t want to take out, say, garbage from the hut, she closes her parents. But, nevertheless, in this seemingly negative nuance, and nevertheless, the positive parental position is hidden. All the same, they raised the girl in love for themselves. Do you understand? She protects them, she does not open, she does not discuss consent - disagreement, she protects them.
And I asked the question: “How many children will you have when you grow up?” And only one out of 30 child answered: “And there will be as many as there will be.” One girl wrote: "Not at all, they are crap." What word do you feel? Here it is, the parental word said, as the child caught: crap! Children do not shit, but in a child they are like a cat, like a dog, like an animal "shit".
That’s what this girl will be going out with, with such a little bundle? I don’t know what it will come out with, for example, I was scared. But she is so cold, she can’t make friends. But we, parents, have plunged this cold. How, seeing a child’s eyes, can one respond viciously? After all, in fact, this is impossible. How can I extend an evil hand to a child? Only when your anger overwhelms you. Well, you can't stretch it like that, then. I would like to tell our parents: when you are in this state - do not touch the child, do not exercise him in the ability to see our anger, otherwise he will see this anger everywhere. When a child exercises, he learns to see an evil face - he reflects it, he will repeat it, necessarily. He will repeat the expression, first the external, and then the internal state. Just one second is needed: "I hear you, I hear you." That's all you need, it’s worth a lot, then many problems will really go away.
They will leave, because a child who has grown in love, in the ability to at least be heard, will come home, and not in the gateway to Petka to seek advice on what to do. He will come to the one whom he knows that he will be heard here, he will be accepted here. And, moreover, I know only one thing: that it turns out that a person does not have an age of saturation with this word, of satiety with the word: "you are loved, you are needed, you are dear." It turns out that at any age it is important to hear. It may not be so straightforward, but it turns out to be very necessary. Always a person needs to feel that he is loved, that he is significant to someone, that he is important to someone, that he is remembered, especially children.
